I've been sitting here on Sunday morning, listening to my dad preach.  I'm about 5 podcasts behind, but catching up fast!  The boys are still sick:  David had 102.5 last night and Johnny has a monster sinus headache that doesn't seem to be leaving soon.  He may need an antibiotic to clear up a sinus infection, but there's NO way I'm going to talk Matt into taking him to the walk-in clinic this weekend.    [see link to his blog in entry below]  We'll have to wait until the real clinic opens this week.  So I'm home listening to Dad preach on Romans 5:3-4.  I love that dad only moves a verse or two each week....he really digs in.  No long texts for him!  One verse, maybe two a week.     I am appreciating the sermons so much.  I'm thrilled to be able to hear every week what God is teaching him as he studies the Word.  Not only that, but there is a feeling of nostalgia that washes over me as I sit and listen.  If I close my eyes, the years roll away and I'm in elementary school again, and I can almost feel the wooden pew and smell the church sanctuary...I'm sitting next to mom listening to dad preach.  Kind of fun. 

I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness this morning and thought I'd write some of it down.  I re-acknowledged something about myself that I've really known most of my life.  I'm grateful the Lord knows and that He graciously indulges my need!  I call it 'hanging by a thread' syndrome.  It's the interesting phenomenon that I function way better under alot of pressure than when I've got no particular stress in my life.  Last week, I had a birthday, the start of school for 3 kids, sick children, sick husband.....and yet my housework was mostly kept up, I actually made progress on laundry, we did 3 full days of school, I ran or walked the dog nearly every morning and I spent quality time with the Lord.  And I sat down one night...I was tired, but, I felt great!  And I recognized again that I seem to NEED stress, deadlines, pressure, basically circumstances that are beyond my capabilities in order to 1. depend on the Lord and 2. actually get anything done.  My house will be way cleaner in a week when I've got a million things going on then in a week where there's nothing and we're just sitting around.  And, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness FOR the things that cause me stress in my life.  David's special challenges and learning issues, the spiritual needs of all my kids, the pressure of fully educating them, the enormous burden of housework....these are things that I'm thankful for b/c it is through these things that I have no choice, but to be dependant.  And in this 'crucible' I have the opportunity to grow, to have victory, to experience such thankfulness for what God is in my life. 

I'm a little ashamed b/c I feel like I'm a person who WON'T grow unless forced to.  Know what I mean?  Why can't I do what's right, depend on the Lord, appreciate His love and grace....WITHOUT being constantly subjected to overwhelming pressures??  Is that just our human nature?  I guess it is Biblical that we 'sheep' will go our own way given a choice. 

I'm so thankful for my 4 kids.  Thankful that the Holy Spirit continues to help Matt and I to be aware of where our kids are spiritually and what we need to do to nurture their faith.  I'm so thankful that the Lord allowed us to fall into homeschooling, almost by accident.  If it hadn't been for David's delays (which made us start)...I don't know that we would have considered it otherwise.  And, now we know the blessing that it is for our family.  I'm so thankful that I have a husband who is so very supportive of it and who enjoys immensely the home educating process.  He loves to sit in his office and hear the kids having fun learning....and he tells me this often!  (which is kinda nice too)   I'm so thankful that God continues to work on my heart despite my continuous unfaithfulness....how I am daily distracted by things of the world.  Yet I still see His hand in my life, and evidence that He is still there listening, working. 

It's funny that my dad is preaching on joy in suffering and trials right now in the sermon I'm listening to.  And I have to also realize that my stresses and trials....as much as they help me grow and depend on the Lord....are very small compared to the sufferings of some.  I pray that my faith will be strengthened daily in these small tests and that I will be found faithful should I ever find myself in more intense circumstances. 

Thank God for the stresses in your life...whatever they are!  These are the things which give us opportunity to grow, to depend on God, to see Him work in our lives!  I thank Him for the times when I am hanging by a thread!  All glory to Him!