I find myself pondering which of many possible blog entries I want to write.  Should I share about my new Bible study, and all the seeming "coincidences" as far as it's subject matter....how God has obviously ordained it for this time in my life?  Do I share about staff retreat, and the amazing love we experienced from our staff family during that time?  Do I share about our recent struggles with David in the area of fears/anxiety/obsessions and the victories and encouragement we have had as we have sought the Lord's direction?  And what about Leah....A. Beth wants an entry about Leah.   What to do?

Hmmm...well, each of these really deserves a blog entry of its own.  However, I think I can combine David and staff retreat....as they are somewhat related.  So I think I will start there.  Then maybe I can share about my new Bible study next, and Leah....well, at least she is generally near the forefront of my mind and memory.  I'm not going to be forgetting her. 

Most of you know that David struggles with a variety of developmental issues, including ASD (autistic spectrum disorder), dyslexia, and other frontal lobe impairment (like ADHD, OCD, etc).  He has always presented special challenges.  However, since late November, we feel that he has been under significant attack....his physical struggles magnified by Satan's lies.  One of his worst fears came true then.  The kids all got the stomach flu.  Since that time, he has greatly regressed in the area of anxiety and compulsions.  He began withdrawing, not wanting to go anywhere.  Laying down all the time.  He began sleeping on the very edge of his bed.  Obsessing about clothing being too tight or not tight enough (in the case of his socks).  Finally, in the last month or so......compulsively washing his hands all day long and changing his clothes several times a day.  Even using the strongest ointment possible, his hands were beginning to scab and bleed from all the extra washing.  As parents, your natural inclination is to just make him 'get over it' and that's what we were certainly trying to do.  Forcing him to go out, disciplining him, dragging him to the car, putting clothes on him, not letting him wash his hands, etc. etc.   In addition you try and reason him out of it.....explaining in great detail why his fears are irrational, why his shirt is not contaminated b/c his sister touched the sink, and then his blanket, which touched his shirt.  I, in particular, was getting very frustrated and angry with him.....not to mention exhausted as battles were happening in the middle of the night almost every night.  We began to read on OCD in children.  Someone gave us a protocol from the Mayo clinic on therapy for OCD in a child David's age.  We found it quite useful in some ways, but didn't feel totally settled about the amount of control given to the child and the lack of spiritual perspective. 

All this to say, it has been a very, very difficult couple months at our house.  I feel like it has brought out each and every one of my worst weaknesses......something for which I am genuinely grateful b/c I'm being forced to deal with them.  God is working in my life as I am trying desperately to work in my sons'.   No amount of purposing to do better was making me successful in certain areas.  Coming to the end of my abilities and asking God to take over has finally been granting me some victory, but I know this will have to be a daily, ongoing process.  We have been pouring spiritual truth into David (and ourselves)....we pray with him, we are armed with Scriptures on truth vs. lies, on trusting God, on God's sovereignty.  Matt and I have been more united in this than ever before.

God has given me a new love and compassion for my son....rather than seeing him as an obstacle to 'normalcy' as I have been tempted to do lately.  His little brain is so tortured right now.....constantly bombarded with things that for most people are quiet and small, but for him are loud, disruptive and frightening.  Just to look at him breaks my heart sometimes.  Matt jokingly called him "Lurch" to me the other day b/c he walks around of late with his whole head tipped to one side...it's a new tic that has developed over the last 6 mos or so.  Everything seems so difficult for him.  HOWEVER, this brings me to the encouragement part.

One night after a particularly bad episode, Matt was praying for direction from the Lord and a lady came to mind that he'd known since he was young....who works for a Christian counseling service in Wausau.  (if we were going to seek help, we were very adamant that it be from someone with a Biblical perspective)  He decided to just call her and chat about what we've been dealing with.  As it turns out, she works with adults dealing with OCD, in fact her son had it....so she is very familiar with these symptoms.  And she mentioned that she is trained in a therapy called EMDR (eye movement desensitization & reprocessing), which she finds to be very effective.  That rang a bell with me b/c a couple years ago I had heard of some new research on EMDR (that was what Julie told you about, mom)  with children who had traumatic births.  I was very interested in it then, but while there was tons of info on using it for adults in a variety of ways, there just wasn't much documented about kids.  It basically works to reconnect pathways of communication btw. the left and right sides of the brain....pathways that have either been damaged or never developed due to traumatic events or illness.  They used to think these couldn't be repaired, but are finding that they can be now!  It is these neurological pathways that are responsible for many of David's physical delays and lack of processing skills.  This completely makes sense to me, and they've actually been working towards this for decades.  Ever heard about the connection btw. crawling and reading?  That kids who crawl longer are better readers?  They have actually used "crawling therapy" for reading disabilities and for other neuro-disorders or brain damage.  Why?  Because crawling is something that both sides of the brain coordinates together.  So forcing the brain to do it constantly strengthens those connections that are responsible for processing information correctly.  Playing the piano is another good right/left brain activity.  Anyhoo......I believe that this direction is going to be helpful for David.  We will be starting next week with the first focus being that she processes through the stomach flu event with him while consistently stimulating both sides of his brain.  We will see how he responds to that, and then perhaps continue further.

We have had some recent victories.  One night last week, he looked at his scabby hands and tearfully said, "Mom, will you PLEASE help me tomorrow not to wash them so much"?   I told him that I would, and I held him to it the next day.  We have seen a desire in him to do better and real remorse for the times when he doesn't.  We know that he has given his life to Jesus, and we see the Spirit working on him too.

At staff retreat, our executive director asked us to share a little about what was going on with David.  He felt it would be good for the staff to know specifically where we had been at the last couple months.  It was a very vulnerable experience in some ways as we were both emotional.  However, words cannot describe the love and support of our staff family.  Those people love us and they love our son.  As I looked around the room and saw the tears, I realized this in a new way.  One man who has worked with David in AWANA for many years shared how in council time, David had shared many testimonies of how God was working in his life.....always insightful and appropriate to whatever had been taught that evening.  He had tears in his eyes as he shared some of the things David had said (some I didn't even know) and told us that "He is a precious kid".  Some reminded us of how far they have seen David come in many areas.  Then at the end, they ALL gathered around us, laid their hands on us and prayed out loud for healing, for strength, for wisdom, for our other kids, etc.....it went on for a good 10-15 minutes as we passed the kleenex around and I don't think I have ever felt so loved and cared for.  How blessed we are to work with a family of people like this.  They are truly our brothers and sisters in every possible sense of the word.  I have a lump in my throat just writing of it.  Like Matt said, "I don't think I'll ever get over that."  And I pray we won't.  Thank you, God!

We did have our intro session with the counselor on Thursday.  It went so well.  David was hilarious....marching right into the office, sitting down and being very forthcoming about all his issues in a very cute way.  He said emphatically that he always had some fears, but that in November...."I was changed".    When he left for the waiting room, she did note that alot of how he talks is very typical of autistic and OCD people....but, she said "He is a doll!" and she really wants to work with him in spite of the fact that she generally works with adults.  We believe the Lord has led us to her.

And so I will close this very long entry knowing that God has given David to us for many special reasons, not the least of which is to grow us closer to Him.  But, I feel God has a special plan for this kid....He wants to demonstrate His glory through him, and I am going to trust in that.  Please pray for us as we continue to speak the truth, believe the truth, and act on the truth with him.  And for his upcoming EMDR sessions.  Also for our other kiddos, who I believe God is also equipping for special work through all this!  Stay tuned for other mentioned blog entries.  Love you all!